It's exhausting always being right.
The trophy of perfectionism is heavy and a burden to carry around ALL THE TIME!
Never making mistakes and always being superior to others is a lonely place to be.
There was a time in my life when I needed everything to be just so.
I needed to be right all the time, at all costs.
The image on the outside was far more important than anything happening behind the scenes.
My house was always showhome clean and perfectly staged. My clothes were always the newest of the season and barely worn, many hung neatly in my closet for years with the tags still attached. Shoes were to be worn only a handful of times before they were replaced. My relationship with my partner was to be perceived as top notch. And the image of financial success was to be portrayed through a parade of fancy vacations and a constant stream of new things.
I wanted to be viewed as an expert on all things. A highly educated university graduate and a well-respected financial expert… all the while living a Norman Rockwell family life.
Life is messy. Being perfect exhausting and nobody else gives a flying f*ck about my “I’m so perfect” trophy.
My tiny humans very quickly taught me that I can have a clean house or a happy house. After MANY MANY months of resistance, I chose a happy house. Buying new clothes and shoes no longer hold any emotional value or are needed to portray an image in my life other than necessity and what is comfortable to play at the park in.
My partner and I are high-school sweethearts and there are days when it feels like we are still newly in love and discovering new things we adore about each other. And there are days when we crave space and silence with our own thoughts just to be sure we are still have our independence because the other person is making us crazy.
And financial success has come to be defined as being grateful for what we have. It’s no longer about what’s new but rather what is valued. Our wealth is no longer measured in monetary increments but in the abundance and contentment we cultivate in our life. It is about the opportunities to share and give back to our community to help others who find themselves in need.
I do sometimes miss my shiny and clean hardwood floors but I sure don’t miss the internal pressure to achieve something that adds no value to my worth as a human being on this beautiful Earth.